ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
