I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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