so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
