I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
