she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
