Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
