it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
