I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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