How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
