WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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