I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
