Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
