A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
