Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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