Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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