the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
