Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
