Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
