Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
