Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
