so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
worst night to have a conscience
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
