Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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