this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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