Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
