U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
