Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the condom got lost in my hair
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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