Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
foreskin is a definite game changer
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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