I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
