First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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