I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
