What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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