did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So squirting runs in the family.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
