Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
