You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
