She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
