Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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