I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
