i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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