On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
