New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
