so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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