Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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