By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
