you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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