We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
