Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
