True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
