on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
