I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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