He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
