question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
