Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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