Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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