The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
